+ 16

prepstergrunge:

It’s National Waffle Week Eve. Make sure you leave out a plate of waffles and syrup for St. Wafflemas tonight and get to bed extra early so he can place your presents on the waffle iron (if you’ve been good little waffles this year, that is). 

+ 1532

portraits-of-america:

     “My maiden name was Burger and his last name is Berger, so I went one letter from Burger to Berger. It gets better: His brother’s name is Bob and he was our best man. My dad’s name is also Bob, so we had two Bobs, Berger and Burger, at the wedding. Bob, his brother, was married to Linda. My name is also Linda, so we had two Linda Bergers. Everyone was confused.
     “Then I go to the Secretary of State to change my name. ‘What’s your maiden name?’ Burger. ‘Now, what’s your married name?’ Berger. ‘No, no, we need your last name.’ I just gave it to you—Burger.”

Livonia, MI

+ 7740

(Source: charlesxsavier)

+ 13

glintglimmergleam:

i am 30% jewish den mother, 30% ludicrous hair, 25% writer, and 15% being constantly teased by “friends” for trashblogging

+ 192931
+ 2420

clientsfromhell:

From an animated YouTube series I was a voice actor on: 

Client: Hey, I just wanted to let you know that [a fellow cast member] killed himself last night.

Me: Oh my God! That’s terrible! 

Client: It’s okay, I’ve sent out emails to potential replacements, and we should be back on track with recording by the end of the week.

Me: Wait, what? I’m really not comfortable with that. Can we at least take a break before recasting him, since this is a not-for-profit series anyway?

Client: He would have wanted the show to go on. 

Me: What?

I got no response to this. That night:

Client: False alarm guys, [the cast member] is alive and well! I just assumed he’d killed himself because he was acting really depressed and he didn’t answer the IM I sent him a couple of hours earlier. Everything’s back to normal, so let’s move on to episode three!

dubbymalin:

vegetablerightsandpeace:

curlicuecal:

Games with English: insert the word “only” anywhere into the above sentence and consider how the placement changes meaning.

Let me see if this works in Dutch.

Zij zei dat ze van hem hield.

Alleen zij zei dat ze van hem hield.

Zij alleen zei dat ze van hem hield.

Zij zei alleen dat ze van hem hield.

Zij zei dat alleen ze van hem hield - incorrect sentence.

Zij zei dat ze alleen van hem hield.

Zij zei dat ze van alleen hem hield.

Zij zei dat ze van hem allen hield.

Let me see if it works in norwegian.

Hun fortalte han at hun elsket han.

Bare hun fortalte han at hun elsket han.
Hun bare fortalte han at hun elsket han.
Hun fortalte bare han at hun elsket han.
Hun fortalte han bare at hun elsket han.
Hun fortalte han at bare hun elsket han.
Hun fortalte han at hun bare elsket han.
Hun fortalte han at hun elsket bare han.
Hun fortalte han at hun elsket han bare.

The last one is the only one that does not work.

+ 13441

(Source: sandandglass)

+ 986

Why do white people own so many pets?
Because we’re not allowed to own people anymore.
*****
What is the scariest thing about a white person in prison?
You know he did it.
*****
how many Chicago cops does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black.”
*****
A good looking 50 year old white man is trying to get laid on reality TV. What show are you watching?
To catch a predator.
*****
Why do white girls travel in groups of three or five?
They can’t even
*****
What do you call 64 white people in a room? A full blooded Cherokee.

from various reddit threads

at dinner last night, a coworker was talking about hanging out with his white friends and getting fed up with the racist jokes, and asked them to tell a white people joke.  nobody had any, so he googled and found these. after a few of them, people were a lot less comfortable.

white folks, next time you hear a racist joke, maybe lead with one of these in response.  tag this “I’m white” when you reblog it, if you are.

(via cuterpillar)

That last one tho

(via justfuckingnougat)

maiinganish omfg

(via coldmorningsun)

(Source: transascendant)

+ 2865

Sarah Manning + outfits in Natural Selection

(Source: drcormier)

+ 186

(Source: donnajosh)

+ 53148

anthongie:

matching icons for you and your friends

+ 2120
+ 323

(Source: donnajosh)

+ 68595
me: *owns 264 unread books*
me: *buys 17 new books*
me: *rereads harry potter*